So lately I’ve been feeling a little bit like I’m constantly drowning; that I am just trying to keep up and I just can’t get on top of things. I’m talking about my TO DO list, but also about my parenting. This week was me coming close to rock bottom – although, I can imagine it could get and feel a lot worse than I felt this week. I’ve spent a lot of time on the verge of tears or in tears, berating myself for my frustrations and failings and I feel like I just need to PULL IT TOGETHER.
This post is hopefully going to be therapeutic for me. I am a write-it-down, find-some-accountability kinda girl. I am hoping that by working it out on “paper”, I might be able to solve, or at the very least, improve on, some of my problems. Why the public forum? Because, like I said, I need accountability. I am hoping that some of you might want to do this with me. You can post about it, write in your journal about it, talk to me about it…whatever. But I need someone(s) to check up on me, or it will be all talk and no action.
I’m going to start with my frustrations. What is it in my life that is making me so damn unhappy right now? Why am I so cranky all the time with my kids? Why do I feel like I can’t get enough air? What is stressing me out? (OK, so there are a lot of things I’m not going to put on my list, but these are things I can not change, so I’m going to worry about what I can change.)
- I am ALWAYS late. (Jason hates it when I use words like always and never, but in this case, it’s pretty darn accurate.)
- My kids DO NOT listen to me.
Now for all of my excuses. I am full of excuses. I have excuses for everything, right on the tip of my tongue. Mostly because I have spent so much of my mature life coming up for reasons why I am late, why something is not done, why I missed/forgot something. Am I lying? Sometimes. So here it goes…
- Always numero uno on my list of reasons why I CAN’T or DON’T is the narcolepsy. I hate to use it as an excuse because I feel like I should be able to keep up, to do what all the other moms do, and when I can’t/don’t, then its because I am too lazy, not because I have a physical disability that impedes me. But I am going to be 100% honest. MOST of the time, the reason I am late comes down to sleep. I have to have a nap before I do most anything, which means I have to work that into my schedule. Often, there is not time for a nap, so I either forego the nap (and fall asleep at inopportune times), forego the event (which sucks for obvious reasons) or have the nap and am late. Even when there is time to nap, I have THE HARDEST time waking up. So I sleep longer than planned and therefore, I am late. My kids are late for school every day because I CAN NOT make myself get up on time. See? It just sounds like I’m being lazy, but I’m really not. It’s a huge struggle for me. This week, I didn’t wake up and Jax was an hour late for a birthday party that he was very excited about. And that is one example of a million.
- I don’t plan ahead – I procrastinate to the very last minute, which means there isn’t time to get everything done that needs to be done, but has to be done, so we do it anyway…TA DA! We are late.
- I underestimate how long it will take me to do something or drive somewhere.
- Go to bed at a reasonable hour, at the same time every night.
- When I have to get up and be ready in the morning, make lunches the night before.
- Set the alarm for the same time every morning and GET UP NO MATTER WHAT.
- Don’t procrastinate napping for other activities. Napping takes priority over FB, Pinterest, TV, etc.
- Denial of feelings
- The philosophical response
- Defence of the other person
- Amateur psychoanalysis
- An empathetic response
- Listen with full attention.
- Acknowledge their feelings with a word – “Oh…Mmmm…I see.”
- Give their feelings a name. (“That sounds frustrating”)
- Give them their wishes in a fantasy. (“I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!”)
- The Crazy Month of December
- January 2012